Returned.

Impoved version

People who are being vulnerable sometimes have the purest heart compare to people who potrayed only happiness and stability and perfection.

You may see the weakness of a person but you don't know that the weakness of that person is making them stronger. Allah sometimes give us test to make us stronger. So don't think a test as a weakness. Instead, let the trials that Allah gave to you to bring out the best quality of yourself.

And be yourself, and try to be the best version and improved version of yourself every day.

I love you.

In the time when Allah gives you tests, that was the time when you have to remember your nikmah the most, because wallahi its hard but you can.

People who intentionally hurt other people won't get away from what have they done because Allah is the Most Fair towards their slaves.

And for those who forgives other people are in better places.

Sometimes you don't know the true colour of your friends until a day when Allah reveals to you. If they are sincere they won't backstab you.

But if they backstab you, then undo your love.

Because your precious heart and love are meant to be most for Allah, and then your family and then for those who are ikhlas being with you; your true sahabat.

Alhamdulillah because everything happen for a reason.

For those who love to attack people and harass people emotionally know that Allah sees it all.

For those who felt satisfied doing that, know that Allah listens to the du'a of the oppressed ones.
Ya Rabb alhamdulillah for them.

In Islam, protect the weak is not just humanity but it is an obligation.

May Allah save us from people who are not worth of our precious heart and only lead us to those who worth every single of our love.

And remember those who love you truly and had been there with you through thick and thin. 

This special post is dedicated to my family and sahabat as an appreciation for always be there for me through my ups and down

To my beloved mummy - Zarra Raz, my beloved daddy, Nash Salleh, my beloved sisters, Shaira and Syarah , my beloved sahabat Aini Wahab , Nadia Omar, Nur Syiffa Rosman, and many more.

Thank you so much for being there with me through thick and thin and stay with me for my strength and my weakness. I love you.

For every moment

Ya Rabb, tonight as I was sitting here and have a thought about You and my life, thank You ya Rabb. I can’t express by words of how much peaceful I am right now, feeling so content and happy in a way that I felt just so peaceful and rest ya Rabb. I guess I ve been longing for this feeling for a long time. Ya Allah, thank You for my family so much ya Rabb. I can’t ask You more about my family because it is such a beautiful gift from You ya Allah. 

Ya Allah, I used to fight for why things are not happening and why things are happening, I remember when I used to battle inside my heart for why I feel things and why I don’t, why I was in pain, why I have to go through these and these, until I realise at one point of time when I stop fighting with Your decree ya Rabb, but accept it with gratefulness. 

Ya Rabb, I am so thankful that You instil in me peace that I ve been longing for, strength that I ve been wishing for, and most of all happiness that I ve been dreaming of. Truly ya Rabb, contentment of heart is only achieved by pleasing You and remembrance of You and being grateful much of what You have decreed upon me. 

Ya Rabb, for this peaceful night, thank You ya Rabb… How do I? What should I…said to You…to express my gratitude enough, how do I be grateful to You as much as You deserve ya Rabb.. because You deserve so much more. So much more..

Thank You ya Allah.. for every moment in my life. 

In rainy days

I saw beautiful things in tiredness and in rainy days

But we will die

but we will die

Thats all beauty

Every people had gone through different struggles and challenges in life so don't devalue their struggles, instead show them mercy and understanding.

Allah had chosen different people to undergo different test that if you are in their position you would have not been capable to go through it.

Trust me, any past/trauma or experience in life that is extremely rupturing your heart but make you closer to Allah is actually blessings so much in every way. 

The closeness to Allah that you have now cannot be replaced with anything, anyone, any duniya materials things at all. At all.

So be thankful much, by saying to Allah.. 

'Ya Allah, would have not been because of You had test me with the pain, I would have not been this close to You’

Sometimes when your heart really cries to Allah, solely to Him, thats all beauty you need in life. Thats all the happiness that you really need.

And for every tears ya Allah, thank You so much..

For the love of You that never stop

Ya Allah...

Thank You so much..

For every hope that I made

For every breath that I take

For every love that You've instil in me ya Rabb

For every happiness that I feel

For laughter that I made

For dancing around the house when I feel the joy

For jumping around when I received good news

For making my mum and dad proud of me ya Allah..

For every walk that I take

For every rest that I made

For every words that I write

For every words that I love

For every kindness to me

For every hurt that I feel

For every sadness that I have to encounter with

For every du'a that fills me

For every tears that I made

For the love of You that never stop

For my hope into You..

For every single time..

For every move that I made in Solaah

For every of the recitation of the Quran

For every of Your words that touched my heart

For my heart and my soul

For my loved ones whom I love

For my everything in me that I love so much

For secure that You promised me

For love that You promised me

For the Day that You promised me

For the safety that You will give

Thank You Ya Allah...
For everything Ya Allah
Thank You ya Allah

So much.

Vulnerability

Some people, we don't have to show our vulnerability.

Its better for you to hide your expressions rather than exposed them to the wrong ones.

For if you really love to express, express to the people whom you know will not treat you wrong.

You can express to your family and your sahabah.

But especially to Allah.

Because people may interpret it otherwise.

And may hurt you in anyway, or anyhow.

If thats happen, its okay.

Forgive and move on.

Even though you feel resentment or anger.

Move on and forgive.

Be sabr.

For what is this duniya other than amusement and play?

Who are Most Knowing of yourself and your heart other than the One who created you yourself?

Hold yourself up.

This duniya is nothing really.

Don't burden your mind with something that is not worth to.

For what is this duniya other than amusement and play?

" Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children - 

like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; 

then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. 

And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. 

And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion." ( Surah Al Hadid : 20)

Lifetime

In life,

When you know something, it doesn't really mean anything, until you practice it.

When you practice it, you know how hard it is, how need of us of Allah.

Because thats the whole point.

To be in realisation that we need Allah all the time, every moment, everything that we do.

Let me give you an example.

You learned that 'you have to lower your wings with your parents'  in the Quran.

Therefore, learning it and knowing it is something.

To practice it is another thing.

When it comes to situation that, you may defend yourself, because of anything, you may feel its really hard to lower your wing with your parents.

Thats really a struggle.

You may cry, may feel down, may feel devastated.

Although you tried so much.

But when that happens,
my dear...listen.
Don't give up.

Don't give up.

Lets try one more time.

Try again. Be gentle again. Be sabr again. Be silence again.

And if you wanna express how you hurt, express to Allah.

Don't hurt back. Stay soft.

Sabr, though its hurting inside. Lower your wings.
Thats the meaning of lower your wings.
You lower yourself, even though you can say something that cause you to win.

Lower yourself...
its okay...
Even if you feel hurt when you are not,
try again...

Be assured with Allah's help
You need His help always... therefore pray so much to be a solihin daughter/son.

Sometimes the harder the trial, the more the struggle, the better the reward from Allah..

Maybe it teaches you valuable lessons, which is sabr.

Allah said those who achieved sabr worth to be congratulated by Allah and His Messenger s.a.w.

Don't you want Allah said, 'yes thats My servant, thats My love, congratulation to you..'

*

Everything is learned through lifetime struggle.
It can never be just smooth and it cant never be that you will never stumble
But Allah has promised you it will be ease.

Allah said in Surah Al Lail, For those who obey Allah, and those who fear (and conscious of) Allah, Allah will ease for them way for ease .
SubhanaAllah..

If we try so much to obey Allah and we fear Allah , always try to remember Allah..
Allah will lead a way to ease in everything
SubhanaAllah

Ease
In be sabr.
In stay loving
In stay kind.
In softness for Allah.

*

Hayatud' Duniya

For 2015,

Ya Allah, for this year have been such a memory for me. Such a turner in my life, an adventurous one, sometimes I was being tested and alhamdulillah the tests had change me inshaAllah to be better in a way that I could not expected. But most of all…

Your blessings are so much to me ya Rabb. I can’t remember how much delicious and extremely delicious food that You have provided for me this year because it just so much, wallah. And I am sorry for not be able to thank You enough ya Allah. And You had given me so much ya Rabb, I could never count Your gifts because it just so much.

For this year, I have experience incredible and beautiful things between me and You, ya Allah I pray to You so that You never let me, my family, my sahabah and my loved ones to go astray from You ya Rabb, and so that You love us so much till You make us of those who are so happy with You.

Ya Allah for the pain is blessings, and the blessings is blessings and altogether is happiness and sadness and tears and laughter, thank You ya Rabb. My life could never have been better well planned other than what was written by You the best author, fashioner, designer and planner of my blessed journey in this hayatu’d duniya.

For beauty and success in everything of me that You created is all Yours, and I could never praise You enough for that. For my beloved mum and my beloved dad , thank You ya Rabb, though I far from them and they are too, and sometimes I have missed them a lot and only You know my heart but its okay because I know... distance makes the hearts go fonder. I shall lower my wings to them and love them as much and more by the help and the love and mercy from You. May You make me and those who read this from among of solihin sons/daughters.

For 2016,

Ya Rabb, You have me in Your hand. I shall lay my trust on You. Let me travel this world with You, hold me and never let me go ya Rabb. Held me close to You. And even closer. Touch my heart with Your words of Quran, beautify my akhlaq and all of me, outside and inside me and my heart and my soul. Ya Allah don’t let me be too happy till I forget You and don’t let me too sad till I give up in hope and Your affection. Love me and let me love You. Filled me with mercy and nearness to You, pleasure and eagerness to meet You. Let me feel content everyday in my life ya Waduud. And ya Allah, bless my family and my loved ones more than everything You have been given me. And if this whole writing touch a person heart, then bless that person more ya Rabb.

Ya Allah, Thank You.
Thank You so much for everything.
Alhamdulillah ya Rabb.
Thank You for creating me.

More life to it

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

Allah is my witness that when I write this out, my heart goes all into it.
I just found the missing piece of me.
The things that I want to work out within me more...
And to realize there's something wrong inside me.
So I need to fix it with the help of Allah.
SubhanaAllah.

Wow. How do I start?
I want to tell you about a person who I felt so much wisdom inside her, and she is 4 years older than me.
Masha Allah sister, may Allah bless you so much and extra.

So this person, lets say her name is Mayra.

So Mayra was once a teenage girl who is probably sixteen years old and learn living a life in her family.
I won't go into details ; as usual, but inshaAllah you get me and my feels.

***

One day, she was crying. She was really deeply hurt with her father. She was crying on behalf of her mother. She said
'Baba, why you always said that all of your success and everything come from Allah and that's all? Why didn't you say about ummi as well? If it was not because of her you wouldn't get anything.. All of this success...

And she inhaled deeply and was trying to catch her breath. She was deeply in emotional state and she was crying. She was angry and upset. Her father and mother just listen to her. Her mother say 'It's okay... let her finish'

And so Mayra continue in a loud voice, 'Baba, you never acknowledge anything of what ummi has done to you, why? Why didn't you say how much she has help you? It is so unfair to her! If this is the case, what's the point of marriage? What's the point of giving all of you to this person and this person doesn't even acknowledge it? I hate this kind of life..' and she burst into tears again.

Again I have to remind you that she was sixteen at that time.

And then Mayra stopped. Her father just kept quiet.
As soon as Mayra calmed herself down, her mother say to her 'Mayra, let me talk to you for a while'

And then her mother dragged her in the corner of the room and said to her
'You stupid'

That word make her stunned at her mother.

'You stupid. Why would you say that to your father?
There are more life than just to feel acknowledged.
There are more life than just to feel appreciated.
More life to it.
Your father covers my weaknesses. And I cover his weaknesses.
He help me and provide me by the will of Allah.
Daughter, there are more life than just seeking to feel good.
There are more life than just seeking to feel secure or to feel amazing and to feel wonderful.
More life to it'

And Mayra was quite. And she was amazed.

SubhanaAllah.

***

I was amazed. I was really thrilled by this life experience.
My dear sisters especially, sometimes we need to control our emotion.
Learn to have wisdom and rational thoughts behind it.

Like especially, we often seeking the pleasure to feel something from people.

I mean of course, as a women we feel a lot. That's our fitrah alhamdulillah.
But seeking to feel wonderful, amazing, pretty, confidence, secure, loved by people in this duniya is a bad goal.

Seriously.
Bad goal.

You expected from people who is not perfect and never going to be perfect... why?
SubhanaAllah.

We have to redirect our emotions.
Redirect to our Lord, the Only One who can make you feel all of that.
And the most of all, the One who can provide you just to feel content. Enough, and happy of everything He had given you.

MashaAllah.
May Allah help us to become a better mu'min everyday and see things clearer with wisdom and rationality that can only come from Allah.

***

Ya Allah, the One who is sufficient for me, and all of my feelings is in Your hand, Allah, the turner of my heart, turn my heart to You and only to those which what pleased You.

If only you knew

What Allah is giving is so much that we didn't realize them. If we realize them, we would never feel our prayers ever once have not been answered.

For if you can see now alhamdulillah, you have never pray for eyes, but Allah has given them. Without you asking.

And if you can think now, alhamdulillah, for you have never pray for having a brain, but Allah has given you. 

And wallahi if you could feel one of the most beautiful thing that your heart can feel

this: 

'ya Allah I ve never disappointed in making du'a to you..',

then subhanaAllah, Allah has given you the light.

And wallahi, its a big gift from Allah. If only you knew.
If only you knew.

Autumn

'A love letter to autumn:
Dear leaves, how is it that in your death, I am brought to life?'
-Yasmin Mogahed

At first when I read this beautiful quote from sister Yasmin, I did not understand the meaning of this quote. But then I read again...
And, subhanaAllah.

Now, its autumn here. The leaves really falling apart from the trees and all of them mostly become yellowish and crumbles. They are in their death.
But because of their death, my heart remember Allah.
My heart remember that sooner or later, every living things will die and turn back to Him, including my heart itself.
My heart gain back its conciousness of "if you love this duniya so much knew that you are going back to Him, and if you hurt so much of this duniya knew that you shall return to Him"
My heart becomes alive.
I am brought back to life.

And thats why,
'Dear leaves, how is it that in your death, I am brought to life?'
:')

Everything that I've ever wanted

All my life, I've never thought this way. 

Until at one point of time I realized that everything I've ever wanted could not be anything in this worldly lives. Everthing that I've ever wanted lies in Jannah; where our Home is and where everything you ever wish for is granted. 

In your life you could never depends on wanting only 'this thing' or 'that thing' or 'such things'. Because if you do that, this duniya will hurt you. The things that you wanted; they will not fulfill your expectations correctly. Because your heart is not made to want something so so much in this duniya. This duniya cannot grant you the 'wishes' to the level that you were expected. You have so much more to expect and to want in the end of them.

But then you may struggle to achieve success or happiness in this duniya. But somehow in your struggle, you tend to pour your heart out into it so so much that you feel 'this is everything that I've ever wanted'. So when the outcome is different from what you have expected, you will feel broken.

But that really, should not be happening.

In your struggle of this duniya, your heart should deeply yearns for something else that lies with God and akhirah (the afterlife). It should not be here. It could not be here.

Allah has created Prophet Adam a.s. ; the first human being and He gives him Home in Jannah,

So there is the place where we all started. Jannah.

Our home is belong to the Heaven and thats why everything we desire lies in God and the place where there is no fear and sadness.

Cause your heart is made to wish for more than this.

Much more than this.

Love.

Nadia Syamila

Awak boleh bahagia

Awak boleh bahagia.

"My happiness in this life has just begun", she said.

She listened to that very carefully.

Can you live yourself to the fullest and enjoy your life but at the same time receiving rewards continuously without break?

SubhanaAllah.

And that girl said ,by only after one week applying this...

"I found myself sometimes , tears flowing down my cheek, I was by myself.. I'm not feeling hurt or anything to anybody"

And there was a man who lose his temper easily ... and he said

"I am different now. Until at one point that I have to wait for a long time before my appointment with my doctor (he always get angry easily) ...I was okay. I didn't realize the time passed by"

And what is actually that?

Intentions.

You make intention before go to sleep that you wanna have this rest because you want to have the strength to pray. Ya Allah.

And you gain rewards! Every hours of it! MashaAllah.

You want to iron your clothes and you make intention. You iron them because you want to be neat and tidy and Islam teach us to be tidy and clean. And you earn the rewards!

You sit down watching television with your family and you make niah that you want to strengthen the bond between u and ur family because Allah loves that. And you earn rewards MashaAllah!

How easy is that... subhana Allah.

How beautiful and rewarding is that..

Your life is not perfect

Imagine.

You are there in your life. Your life is not perfect; is not completely rosy.

You have the ups and downs in your life. However, you are very thankful for everything that happen.

You are very patient.Even though you did mistakes; sometimes you did repeated sins and mistakes.. But you keep on doing Tawbah...And you keep on humble yourselves before Allah.

You never give up on asking His forgiveness till your last breath.

Allah looks at you. And He forgives you.

You feel so peaceful, so amazing and wonderful.

You know that there will be upcoming tests and hardships but you still feel sabr and grateful.

You always believe.

You. always believe that He gives you the best that you would ever be given.

You suceed tremendously in your life. And yes, you fall too. But your heart keep saying its okay..." I have Allah... what more do I want?"

In your life, you spent everything mostly remember Allah. You were waiting in the long queue and your lips keep on reciting tasbih.

You were waiting the lift and your heart keep thinking ya Allah you just saved me...alhamdulillah ya Allah.. alhamdulillah.

You drop your things and you took them patiently and your heart just keep on playing the surah in your mind.

You walk in this beautiful compartments and say ya Allah you make me rise when I fall, I really feel your rahmah...

And eveytime you bow down sujud to Allah..

you just cant hold your tears.

You hear your heartbeats.

You feel so near to your only Creator.

You love Him.

you really fall in love with Allah.

And for the first time...

you really feel...

that you love Him more than everything else.

more than your things, ..your family

most of all

more than yourself.

you really love Him more than yourself.

And when you raise your hands to ask dua'

You look at your hands... and the surrounding is dark..

Its silence..

Its just so deep even to describe how you feel.

Its just you and Him.

And you have great companions, family and inshaAllah great spouse and children.

Maybe your relationship with people you love is not perfect,

but you deal it with strength and tawakal to Allah.

Cause you know Allah holds every relationship. And you really feel the sweetness in every relationship.

Money, fame is not your desire.

Hence Allah makes everything about duniya is easy for you.

You feel so enough and more than enough.

You are so happy.

You gain happiness duniya and akhirah.

Allah loves you, loves your deeds, loves your repeating tawbah...

Allah just so please with you.

********

and how come this great dream is impossible?

Wallahi,

it will be you as long as you truly believe.

This is just so much

beautiful in every way.

Go on and take your time.

When you feel so down. Like you cannot get up. You feel so hurt.
Your scars.

Trust me. He always love you. He tested you because He loves you.

Remember this :'

“Wahai orang-orang yang beriman mintalah pertolongan melalui Sabar dan Solat, sesungguhnya Allah bersama orang-orang yang sabar.

Dan benar-benar akan Kami uji kamu dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan, dan kekurangan buah-buahan, dan berilah kabar gembira bagi orang-orang yang sabar, (yaitu) yang apabila mereka tertimpa musibah mereka mengatakan

"Sesungguhnya kami adalah milik Allah dan kepada-Nya kami kembali”

(Q.S. Al-Baqarah: 155-156)

Because we owned by Allah. Ask His help. He is happy when you ask Him. Wallahi, the tears of believer is more precious to Allah than Ka'abah itself.

Look above the sky. You can see the stars. Allah made the stars bright and shine.

But Allah made you brighter than the stars.
***********************************************************



And you ll soon find out...
“Bukankah Kami telah melapangkan untukmu dadamu?

dan Kami telah menghilangkan daripadamu bebanmu yang memberatkan punggungmu?

Dan Kami tinggikan bagimu sebutan (nama)mu.

Kerana sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan.

Sesungguhnya sesudah kesulitan itu ada kemudahan.

Maka apabila kamu telah selesai (dari sesuatu urusan), kerjakanlah dengan sungguh-sungguh (urusan) yang lain dan hanya kepada Rabbmulah hendaknya kamu berharap”

(QS.94:1-8)

Sebab kita juga ada flaws

Assalamualaikum..

Bila kawan kita ke, family kita ke, marah kita.. especially benda yg kita rasa kita tak salah,.

hati kita mesti geram je kan, mcm nak marah balik, sedih dn sbgaimana..

mungkin kita lupa,.. mereka juga tidak sempurna..

kita juga tak sempurna,, kita juga ade flaws, dan mereka juga ade flaws..

jd,menerima mereka seadanya, dan bersabar, adalah sesuatu yang paling indah..

kerana bila kita menerima kita bahagia,

bila kita bersabar kita tenang,

bila kita mengalah, kita memperoleh kemenangan.. subhana Allah!

Jadi cubalah untuk bersabar.. sungguh tiada yg lebih lapang dikurniakan oleh Allah kepada hambaNya melainkan kesabaran.

Bila awk mudah memaafkan, sungguh itu amal yg sgt indah. Maafkanlah dia, kita juga ada flaws.

So Soon

So soon, I ll... dont know when, I ll end up this journey of life that is not forever.. ya Allah

But will I succeed? ya Allah help me, Allah..

So sooon so sooon, I ll be gone.. how come I know I am succeed? This life is a test and I know it..

You ve set me a wonderful journey and there are winding wounds and hurt and pain,

And I felt alhamdulillah! How amazing and awesome You are, cause you make me strong each day..

And upon every sabr (sabar) , you give me blessings upon blessings day by day..

How can I be not grateful Ya Allah?

Ya Allah, take me away from my life when my Imaan is perfect. Ya Allah take me away from my life when my Imaan is perfect, when I am sujud to you, in front of the Ka'abah, saying La ila ha illa Allah Muhammad Rasul Allah :') subhana Allah, crying in the sujud, feel like nothing exits between us and Allah :'(

And somehow, I want this life... I want to had experienced all ya Allah, until I have grandchildren, and teach all of them to be a better Muslim

before I gone...

However, I dont know, whether I will..or not... because every second every my breath from this moment.. you can take me away.. how much POWERFUL you are..

But with Your love and mercy.. and with the Power of Du'a... You can change anything..

Please Allah,...

Died me with Husnul Khatimah.. amiin ya Rabb <3

Mood song :

Even though its hard , Ill take it all :') Ill be strong with Allah by my side.. and Sabr (sabar) will be my very special friend <3