This is rather personal to me, but alhamdulillah, He helped me to put in words in such that its more general inshaAllah.
And i really hope you feel what i felt when i wrote this.
Those feelings.. you know
it just like when you come early to masjid or musollah to perform Maghrib for example
and those wudu' wet your eyebrows... you still feel the taste of wudu' in your skin
the blurry vision of empty spaces
in the masjid as you go towards the first saff
since the water drips from your eyebrow..
and at a certain distance, right of you, you saw some of them reciting the Quran
and at the left of you, you saw those who do sunnah prayer..
and there you are sitting in the masjid.. it feels something so hard to explain.
the feelings when you in masjid or surau and you were in your Dhuha Prayer...
and the moment you saw sejadah...
there was a ray of light coming from curtain...
that light was beautiful... and sometimes the fan causes the curtain to move
in such a way that... its giving flashes of light... the light in the morning..
in Dhuha time...
and when you put your palms onto the sejadah, touched the flashing ray
as you were in your position to sujud...it just too..
it just too...
if i can explain with an English word
maybe these feelings is just too..
So these kind of feelings appear
when you want something that left unspoken
but you hold that very dear to your heart..
And maybe what you really feel like you want the most..
It feels...sometimes you are so fear that you may losing it
sometimes you are just so in the state of hoping that Allah will give to you.
so you want the happiness...
your heart longing for it...
you still scared
maybe that happiness will fade away in a few while...
and it just those fear and hope..
you hope so much that you make du'a
you search after Allah more...
and maybe sometimes when you think about it
it makes you cry
because you feel like you dont know...
balancing between hope and fear..
is such that the best thing for
heading towards what we want..what we really yearn for...
its like when you are fear..
and that saves you from dragging you to too much thinking of how would it be like..
but you still hope.. and that makes you truly believe in
He will respond to your prayers..
And therefore you rely fully on Allah
to grant your very own
May Allah grant us those happiness. Amiin.