Sometimes I wonder why do we have to feel pain?
Physically and emotionally.
I do ya Rabb... :'
Because even as little of cramping of my legs will hurt me.
And even the thought of my mind will hurt me, so much.
Therefore, I really wonder why do I have to feel this pain?
Sometimes I wonder like, if I m not feeling the pain, I will still try to be close to You ya Allah so don't let me feel the pain...
But I realise something ya Allah.
When You said in the Quran that You have created laughter and tears. Therefore You have not created all of this without purpose ya Rabb.
As much as I need happiness, I also need to feel hurt and pain.
Thats how is it. Thats how I could learn.
Pain can definitely transform you to be better.
You can feel more khusyu'a in your prayers when you are in pain.
"Ya Allah what has caused me pain never ever has caused You pain"
And then it makes you realise that Allah is the Controller of your heart, your physical being, and to Him You will be return to.
'As much as I need happiness, I also need to feel hurt and pain'
But ya Allah.
Honestly in my heart really. I don't find this to be completely resting for my heart.
And therefore I search for Your words in the Quran again
And I found out.
Indeed no doubt most definitely...
You have said something so beautiful for my soul.
"For those who believe and do good deeds there is no fear for them and they will not feel sadness of the heart" (Surah Al An 'am :48)
SubhanaAllah. ya Allah this ayah is a promise from You.
So we have to be among of all the time believe and and do good deeds.
Believe in Allah so much.
When there is sadness, believe in Allah that soon it will be something more wonderful out of this because Allah's wisdom is greater than we have ever known.
Allah is the Most Wise. And The Most Loving.
Ya Allah You are indeed to us are the way Your servants feels about You. Therefore ya Allah, let me always think and feel good for everything You have decreed for me, for You are the Kindest to me.
and Your Kindness to me does not ever going to exceed my kindness to myself ya Rabb.
And hence.. ya Rabb.
Very Kind of You
to let me taste of this duniya...
every feelings, misinterpret, shyness, painfulness, tears, storm in the heart, running of self, falling of self, stop moving, keep moving, laying back, moving forward, fast phases, slow phases, tiredness, sickness, healthiness, delicious food, hunger, thirst, love of the heart, fear of the heart, missing people, suppressing self, expressing self...
Thank you ya Allah.
I know why You instil in my heart to not wanting to feel fear and sadness.
Because that's two things I won't feel in Jannah. May Allah ease us all the way to Jannah.
If I didn't write here, You know whats inside me.
If I write here in hoping people would feel the love of You, You know whats inside me.
If I keep to myself, You know whats inside me.
'Ya Allah, cure me and whoever read this from sadness and fear, for You is the Kindest to ourselves'