You don't remember

You know I would like to share with you something with regards to what happen lately in my life.. You know..when Allah take away what has hurt you, in any situations or problems, when He had took you out and away from all of those problems.. You don't even remember of how painful it was. It was just so contentment and happiness in presence.

For SubhanaAllah Allah is Great❤ #alhamdulillahyaAllah

New Vlog : Steadfastness (Istiqamah)

Presenting : "How to be Istiqamah (consistent)?"

This is a video from recording live Halaqah every Friday at RCSI. May Allah bless us with goodness <3

p/s , my last youtube video was 4 years ago 💌

Lots of love,
Nadia Syamila

Ikhlas in loving

What is ikhlas in loving?

Dear everybody,

We can love a lot of people, even our family and friends because of so many beautiful reasons.

If you love someone because of their physical looks or their shape, for example, later when they get old or when you are long enough with that person, you will find someone else far more beautiful than her/him.

If you love someone because of how soft that person is, and how gentle they are, and how sweet they are and just because of the personality he/she is, one day you will find that he/she also will become hard sometimes, and will become sensitive and offended, will mad and angry when they are tired, and at that time, you will find that, theres a lot of other guys/girls out there who are superior in their characters and manners than that person.

If you love someone because of their Deen, of how much they wake up tahajud everyday, for how much they post Islamic things in social media, for how much they recite and memorise Quran everyday, one day you will find that their Iman is also goes up and down, and sometimes they skip tahajud too, and sometimes they are tired in memorising and they need a break, and sometimes , just sometimes they didn't show you hence its not appearance of how much they connect with Allah, and at that time, you may find someone out there who are far more religious in your eyes than him/her.

If you love someone because of their status and popularity, and how much people say they are kind and nice, and how much they are known in the society, and how much that person is referred and being complemented, and how much people are amazed by her/his kindness and characters, one day, when you see that he/she crumbled up too, lose his/her spirit too, feeling demotivated too, and want to isolate from people too, and at that time, you will find that, there are many people who are more amazing, great and incredible than her/him.

If you love someone because of how much they love and want you, and show to you how much they need you and make your heart flattered, dear people, feeling changes, and heart is controlled by Allah and at that time you may feel as if there are a lot of other people out there who can love you better.

Therefore...

What is the reason to love people?

Simply the answer is no other reason than just because of Allah.

Loving people for the sake of Allah. In that solid reason, you would find that people make mistakes and hurt you sometimes unintentionally, people have mood changes and is inconsistent, people would not achieve all great things and they also have failures in life. That the people, human being is a weak creation of God and need Allah all the time. At that moment you realise, that you would support the one whom you love, no matter how hard the situation is.. why? Simply because of Allah. Simply for the sake of Allah. And this is what we called as ikhlas in loving.

*

How do we know if we are ikhlas in loving?

We would never know our ikhlas, our sincerity because ikhlas is only in the knowledge of Allah. Only Allah knew how much ikhlas you are in doing anything for the sake of Him. However, it would have shown by your actions. It would have shown when you tolerate towards your sisters and friends for example. It would have shown when you don't just leave your friend when your friend sometimes hurt you. It shows when you apologise to your friend for the sake of sahabat for Allah just so that you didn't lose this friendship.

SubhanaAllah.

*

Rasulullah said, narrated in a sahih hadith, for those people who love each other just for the sake of Allah, for them shall be shade and shield of Allah on the day of Judgement. MashaAllah. How much is that rewards ya Rabb? So much ya Rabb.. :') Why it is so much ya Rabb? Because Allah said so in Surah Ar Rahman...

'What is the reward of excellence other than excellence?'

MashaAllah.

Ya Allah...
We ask You so that You grant us ikhlas in everything that we do, ikhlas in loving people for the sake of You, and we ask You to be granted people whom love us ikhlas and sincerely because of You ya Rabb, here in duniya and hereafter in Jannah.

Ameen ya Allah.

True happiness in marriage

Marriage is not what most of us thought and what the dramas in the television had shown to us.

As much as I write and express, I love to observe too.

Today I saw a muslim couple with a perhaps 5 year old child in a restaurant here in Dublin. And out of sudden the child threw up everything that she had eaten, and she was crying heavily. Her clothes were in dirt, and the table as well as the floor was accumulated with the vomit. The father quickly grab tissues from his wife and ask for plastic from the waiter at the restaurant. As the mother brought the child upstairs to the toilet for cleaning her up, the father used the tissues and cleaned up the heavy mess by his own. When he saw me observing him from the starting of the incidence, he stopped and said I am sorry. I replied it was really okay and theres nothing to be sorry for.

You see, when he was cleaning the vomit, it shows how much he lowers his ego while this incidence happened at public. For me, this is a praiseful attitude and action that he had done. This is what we called love and ikhlas. Love is when you lowers your ego for your beloved. When he did that with much efforts, I mean he could just let the waiters there to do their job, but he sincerely clean up the mess that his child done. Why? Because, it is called ikhlas. He is 'ikhlas' doing it for the sake of Allah. Ikhlas is when you give and do things without expecting any rewards from it. MashaAllah.

This is maybe a very small circumstance that happened during marriage. But subhanaAllah. Marriage is not just the unity of two souls and the coming together of two souls who interested in each other. Marriage is way more than that. True happiness in marriage requires ikhlas. I mean, look at the father, he clean it up without any raising voice to the child, and he did not just left the wife to do all of that. It is so beautiful. For me it is such a beautiful view. May Allah bless the family so much.

True happiness in marriage requires both partners to lower their egos and to be ikhlas, sincerely love and take care of each other for the sake of Allah. You don't leave and hate your spouse when your spouse is sick and cannot entertain you or in certain condition that make the spouse angry; for example when your spouse is hungry right? Hence, it is called ikhlas.

Ikhlas is when you love or do anything only for the sake of Allah. Ikhlas doesn't requires conditions and reasons. In the Quran, Allah has expressed three beautiful description about marriage. It is 'mawadda' , 'rahmah' and 'litaskunu ilaiha' (sakinah). What is 'mawadda'? 'Mawadda' in arabic come from root word 'wud' which comes from the attribute of Allah, Al Waduud. It means pure, sincerely love without reasons and conditions. For me, it means you love the strength and the weakness of a person. Thats called ikhlas. You love them when they are beautiful, and also when they are not. You love them when they are healthy as well as when they are sick. You love them when they are soft and tender as well as when they are mad and harsh (certain limit that is alright in Islam) especially when people are tired. You love them just for the sake of Allah. Sincerely want to bring them and be with them together in Jannah.

'Rahmah' is mercy and affectionate. Why did Allah choose 'rahmah' here among of all other quality that a marriage should have? Because 'rahmah' is when you put another person, for example your spouse more that yourself. You are selfless. You have mercy on your beloved. You consider about their feelings and their emotions. Their sadness is your sadness, and their happiness is your happiness. That is affectionate mercy. That is rahmah.

When both of the spouses have this, Allah will put peace (sakinah) inside their marriage. There will be 'qurratun a'yun' (coolness of eyes and heart) as being mentioned in the Quran. There will be very less arguments to the extend inshaAllah there will be no fights at all. That is the true happiness in marriage.

So coming back to myself, of course I've never experienced all of these, but as I said, since I was a child I love to observe. And for me, this is one of the happiness that Allah had said in the Quran that really we should make du'a and passionately work into it.

For me marriage is a conclusion of being able to lower your ego, to love and do things ikhlas (sincerely) for Allah and especially to be able to get out from your comfort zones. In order for us to be ready for all of these (of course only Allah knows when but we have to make efforts as well), it requires tarbiyah. Tarbiyah (education and discipline) of our own selves, hearts, attitudes, akhlaq and our ibadah to Allah so much. We may not be fully perfect because theres so much to learn inside the marriage itself, but it is that we try our best to tarbiyah ourselves just for the sake of Allah.

May Allah help and ease us all and give us true happiness in marriage only for the sake of Allah. May Allah instil in us ikhlas and love for the sake of Allah, knowing deeply, the only love that will be lasting is when you love people for Allah. May Allah bless all of us beautiful marriage in duniya till Jannah.

Ameen ya Rabb.


With love,
Nadia.

Your Greatness

Ya Allah, if I knew that when You forgive me,  Your Greatness will decrease and when You punish me,  Your Greatness will increase,  I would not ask You to forgive me.  But knowing You, Your Greatness is such that by forgiving me and not punishing me,  Your Greatness will not decrease or increase,  hence ya Rabb, please...  forgive me, my heart and my soul. Forgive me.

For the love of You that never stop

Ya Allah...

Thank You so much..

For every hope that I made

For every breath that I take

For every love that You've instil in me ya Rabb

For every happiness that I feel

For laughter that I made

For dancing around the house when I feel the joy

For jumping around when I received good news

For making my mum and dad proud of me ya Allah..

For every walk that I take

For every rest that I made

For every words that I write

For every words that I love

For every kindness to me

For every hurt that I feel

For every sadness that I have to encounter with

For every du'a that fills me

For every tears that I made

For the love of You that never stop

For my hope into You..

For every single time..

For every move that I made in Solaah

For every of the recitation of the Quran

For every of Your words that touched my heart

For my heart and my soul

For my loved ones whom I love

For my everything in me that I love so much

For secure that You promised me

For love that You promised me

For the Day that You promised me

For the safety that You will give

Thank You Ya Allah...
For everything Ya Allah
Thank You ya Allah

So much.

Speechless

Allah is so nice. <3

For the secret

Its sufficient for me that the knowledge of my future is with You, ya Allah. 

From all of my wishing and my efforts. 

My du'a and my hoping.

As a witness of my weakness and my incapacity.

And for the secret that You had wrote for me,  

I made du'a to You with all my heart. 

Deepest of Ocean

Do you want to listen to a story? Maybe its a just a story I mean it can be true, it can be not true. Its up to you really to believe it or not but we can get ibrah and iktibar from it inshaAllah.

*

One day after some of a long confusion about something and hurt a bit at heart (a lot actually), I slept and I dreamt about an ayah in the Quran.
This ayah sounds like this in my dream :

"Whats in duniya is belong to Allah, and whats in the akhirah is belong to Allah"

I never really heard this before.

But in my whole life I heard and learnt this statement 'All belong to Allah' or 'All in this duniya belong to Allah and will return to Allah'

But I never came across or really learnt the ayah of 'whats in the akhirah belong to Allah'

I mean its so intense and powerful here because my confusion and my hurt is something to do about akhirah before I slept.

So suddenly after a few while Allah met me to an ayah in Surah An Najm subhanaAllah! :"

Let me copy to you whats in Malay tafsir written (the translation in Malay) in my tafsir Quran book:

"Atau apakah manusia akan mendapat segala yang dicita-citakannya?" (53:24)

"Tidak! Maka milik Allah-lah kehidupan akhirat dan kehidupan dunia" (53:25)

When I read this ayah,

my heart sank to the deepest of the ocean. 

Because Allah knew what I want and what I hope for. And thats what my heart wonders for Allah before I slept and its about akhirah.

So when the next ayah is written here 'Tidak!' I was really falling. Really. 

Ya Allah.

And then I say in my heart 'its okay ya Allah.. its okay even if whatever I want in akhirah is No from you.. its okay let me not get it then, its okay as long i have You..' 

:'

And then you know what happen?

I recite the Arabic words. And subhanaAllah.

There is not at all written 'No! ' there by Allah :' 

because alhamdulillah I am in progress learning arabic language (the Quranic language) 

The trueth translation of this ayah word by word is (I take from the Quranic Translation book)  :

"

19. 53:24  "Or shall the human being have what he wishes?"
20. 
    
21. 53:25  "To Allah belongs the Hereafter (akhirah) , and the world (duniya)." 
22. 
    

SubhanaAllah. There is not written here 'No' at all.

Allah is just saying, To Allah belongs the akhirah and the duniya.. 

So whatever you wishes that is for duniya and akhirah knew that... to Allah belongs the akhirah and duniya.. 

MashaAllah.

So don't be shy of asking Allah something even if its really really big thing. Knew that Allah is The Biggest. The Greatest. Allah is more than everything you can ever ask for. 

MashaAllah.

Ya Allah, Indeed You are so Kind towards us. :'

**

p/s : dear, it doesn't mean you have to learn arabic language then and only then you would grasp the whole meaning of ayah because you cant trust the translation 100%. No it doesn't mean that way. Not all ayah in the Quran that there is adding up words. Just some of them (and they have their own reasons and hujah for them to add) but of course for me, I don't accept any addition to the words of Allah. But alhamdulillah no matter what we can still learn the Quran by using the tafsir that we had even we don't learn arabic language. Its still amazingly good enough <3

Perhaps ya Allah, I really miss You

When Prophet Musa a.s. said 'perhaps Allah will guide me' on the way to Madyan, the word 'perhaps' here is not meaning that he doesn't trust Allah, in Arabic , its hard to translate it to English, but the word here actually means like,.. you were thinking good of Allah. like ' Perhaps later when I got home I got good news from Allah' for example...

So for those who have hard time or uneasy heart due to anything...
Tell Allah...

***
Ya Allah when you grew me up,
And I ve been from the past you had grew me up,
For everything is so beautiful ya Allah
Both tears and laughters....
thank You ya Allah

Ya Allah I am nothing really..
Sometimes from where I've been
I questioned things to understand better ya Rabb..
But deep in my heart, I knew if theres something hurt me
Its definitely not from You ya Rabb
Because You always want the goodness for me and all of Your creations:'

So if theres something hurt about the law or anything in ad Deen ya Allah
It must have been how some mankind misunderstood Your words..
or how they have misused and misinterpret Your words
and misled others for their desire..

For if they don't know the consequences and the pain that they have caused to others..
But You know
And You count
And You record :'
You listen and You feel me..

For sometimes I don't understand everything ya Allah
No matter how I learn.. sometimes I don't understand ya Allah
But its okay ya Allah
Its okay...

Alhamdulillah I am a woman ya Allah
Alhamdulillah You have created me a muslim and a woman being :'

Therefore ya Allah..
When I don't understand anything
in my tears... I trust You.

:'

I don't mind anything ya Allah
Just let me keep on trusting You..
Let me just trust You ya Allah

Its okay really..

Because deep inside, I know..

Perhaps Allah want to give me something more out of this.

Perhaps it will ease for me later on and soon..

Perhaps my future will be more beautiful than I've ever thought

Perhaps Allah will grant me what I hope for and what I ve dreamt for in duniya and akhirah..

Perhaps, if theres something that is not meant for me, Allah will replace something better earlier so that I won't be much hurt

Perhaps if it meant for me, Allah will let my heart rest in full trust of Him and convince my heart that it really meant for me

Perhaps Allah will guide me always to the truth

Perhaps Allah really want me to love Him so much

Perhaps one day I can be much beloved to Him like the companions of Rasulullah s.a.w.

Perhaps Allah really reserve for me unparalleled love

Perhaps Allah has built a home for me in Jannah near to Him..

Perhaps He is taking such a good care of me and my family

Perhaps Allah really miss me..

Perhaps He want me to be with Him so much..

Perhaps... He is jealous when I'm thinking about people and duniya more than Him so He want me to think about Him always...

Perhaps He do really talk good things about me to the Angels up in the heaven

Perhaps He is planning an amazing and incredible journey of mine ahead...

Perhaps on the Day of Judgement, He will call me, my love :'

Perhaps He will grant me love that is true..

Perhaps Allah will give me more than sufficient sustenance

Perhaps Allah will let my heart love Him more than anything...

Perhaps Allah will always guide my heart...

Perhaps Allah want the best for me always...

*

Perhaps ya Allah... I really do miss You..

Perhaps I just miss You.

Very Kind of You

Sometimes I wonder why do we have to feel pain?

Physically and emotionally.

I do ya Rabb... :'

Because even as little of cramping of my legs will hurt me.

So much.

And even the thought of my mind will hurt me, so much.

Therefore, I really wonder why do I have to feel this pain?

Sometimes I wonder like, if I m not feeling the pain, I will still try to be close to You ya Allah so don't let me feel the pain...

But I realise something ya Allah.

When You said in the Quran that You have created laughter and tears. Therefore You have not created all of this without purpose ya Rabb.

As much as I need happiness, I also need to feel hurt and pain.

Thats how is it. Thats how I could learn.

Pain can definitely transform you to be better.

You can feel more khusyu'a in your prayers when you are in pain.

"Ya Allah what has caused me pain never ever has caused You pain"

And then it makes you realise that Allah is the Controller of your heart, your physical being, and to Him You will be return to.

SubhanaAllah.

'As much as I need happiness, I also need to feel hurt and pain' 

But ya Allah. 

I still.

Honestly in my heart really. I don't find this to be completely resting for my heart.

And therefore I search for Your words in the Quran again

And I found out.

Indeed no doubt most definitely...

You have said something so beautiful for my soul.

"For those who believe and do good deeds there is no fear for them and they will not feel sadness of the heart" (Surah Al An 'am :48)

SubhanaAllah. ya Allah this ayah is a promise from You.

So we have to be among of all the time believe and and do good deeds.

Believe in Allah so much.

When there is sadness, believe in Allah that soon it will be something more wonderful out of this because Allah's wisdom is greater than we have ever known.

Allah is the Most Wise. And The Most Loving. 

Ya Allah You are indeed to us are the way Your servants feels about You. Therefore ya Allah, let me always think and feel good for everything You have decreed for me, for You are the Kindest to me. 

and Your Kindness to me does not ever going to exceed my kindness to myself ya Rabb. 

And hence.. ya Rabb.

Very Kind of You

to let me taste of this duniya... 

every feelings, misinterpret, shyness, painfulness, tears, storm in the heart, running of self, falling of self, stop moving, keep moving, laying back, moving forward, fast phases, slow phases, tiredness, sickness, healthiness, delicious food, hunger, thirst, love of the heart, fear of the heart, missing people, suppressing self, expressing self...

Thank you ya Allah.

I know why You instil in my heart to not wanting to feel fear and sadness.

Because that's two things I won't feel in Jannah. May Allah ease us all the way to Jannah. 

Ameen. 

*

If I didn't write here, You know whats inside me.

If I write here in hoping people would feel the love of You, You know whats inside me.

If I keep to myself, You know whats inside me.

And therefore 

'Ya Allah, cure me and whoever read this from sadness and fear, for You is the Kindest to ourselves'

*

How am I ya Rabb...

I feel like I wanna stay a while,
a longer while in the hospital this night.

And so I did.

Far from what I have known, my heart want to walk for a while.

If I were to tell you what I see, maybe its nothing really.

But the heart sees something.

It sees how much that elder man tiredly pull his own wheelchair.

It sees how the elder woman have a hard time with the family when they visited her.

It sees how much people are suffering for the disease they may never expected will experience.

It sees how the leg can walk easily while others have to use supporter to walk.

It feels a moment.

A moment to understand the pain of other, to understand the hurt of they going through, to feel what has shown in their struggles.
To reflect and think about others more than myself,
more than what I want,
and more than what I hope for duniya wa akhirah.

To actually see the pathway of others may encounter with..

More than I know, I need this reminder always.

Now I understand why Rasulullah s.a.w. ask his sahabah one day, who is among you that this morning, have been solatul Fajr in jemaah (congregation) , spend some of the night by remembering Allah,  fast and visit the sick?

And Abu Bakr stay quiet. Rasulullah s.a.w. ask him, did you...
And he shyly say yes.

I was wondering, why Rasulullah s.a.w. mentioned 'visit the sick' as one of the important deeds that he wanna know?

For  visiting the sick opens your heart and mind so much.
Visiting the sick cleans the heart.
Visiting the sick reminds you that this duniya is temporary for you shall go back to Allah.

Allah is with them whom visits the sick people.
For me, its beautiful to know this.

Ya Allah for everything, thank You.
How can my heart thank You so much...
Would have not been because of You guided me, I would had lost...
Would have not been because of You fed me, I would had been hungry all the time..
Would have not been because of You take care of me, I would have been crashed by anything..

For You, is every thanks and praises ya Rabb..
And to You I shall come back.

How am I ya Rabb?
How am I in Your sight...

*

Teach me how to love like You

I was searching for an empty notebook to write something and suddenly I saw my written notes, I am not sure how many months ago, but I remembered how I wrote this, and why I wrote this and everything behind each words. Ya Rabb, I get so touched with the inspiration You ve given me that I wish to share it here

***
Ya Allah... teach me how to love like You want me to
to love people who I don't attached my heart to
to love people who I don't hope for owning their time, thoughts and presence

Ya Allah who owns me and my heart...
teach me how to love like You
unconditionally, without expecting any rewards from them
unconditionally in their strength and their weakness
unconditionally when they are hard and when they are soft

Ya Allah ,Ya Waduud, teach me how to love like You
sincerely for You
where when my heart is broken,
I didn't blame for their wrongness
where when my heart broken,
I fall down in prostration and tears only to You,
where when my heart broken,
I found comfort only with You, my Lord
where when my heart broken,
I still can love and the love doesn't die..

Ya Allah... teach me how to love like You,
where when I am tired, I still gives
where when I was angry, I still smile
where when I was hurt, I have patience

Ya Allah... teach me how to love like You
all my soul giving softness and tenderness
and all my heart attached to only You
the Creator of happiness.

Ya Allah teach me how to love like You.

Sekiranya aku takut

ya Allah...
sekiranya aku takut...
hanya.. kepadaMu ku serahkan semuanya...

ya Allah...
sekiranya aku sedih...
siapa yang bersamaku
siapa yang bersamaku
selain Mu ya Allah...

ya Allah...
tiada yang lebih
mengasihi hati ini selain Mu...

ya Allah...
yang mendengar hatiku...
tolonglahku ya  Allah...
dalam setiap ketakutan
ku

ya Allah
aku takut
ya Allah aku lemah
ya Allah aku berbuat salah juga
ku manusia, ya Allah
ku mohon ampun hanya kepadaMu ya Allah yang mengampuni
ampunkanlah aku ya Allah...

maafkan ku ya Allah...
setiap kesalahanku..
sesungguhnya sekiranya Engkau tidak melihatku
siapa yang melihatku...

lihatlah ku ya Allah..
pandanglah ku kembali..
maafkan lah ku ya Allah
sayangilah ku ya Allah...

sungguh ya Allah
sekiranya ku takut akan dunia
ini ya Allah
aku meletakkan sepenuh pengharapan hanya
kepada Mu yang bisa menghilangkan.. segala ketakutanku..
ya.. Allah...

tolonglah ku ya Allah...

ya... Allah
tolonglah ku ya..Allah.

Would that I knew

Ya Allah this is by far the most beautiful contents in a video I have ever watched . SubhanaAllah

Ya Allah, I don't understand sometimes, my thoughts are a lot,
I would not know what would happen to me,
though my heart knew I am so weak,
Ya Allah I really couldn't take any of Your punishment,
Forgive me ya Allah
Overlook my mistakes...

Sometimes I don't understand why I had to go through pain in duniya, but ya Rabb,
the blessings is much more.
Therefore ya Allah no matter what ya Rabb..

I trust You.
I trust You.

Words

Sometimes I like to express and write without really people reading it. Because sometimes I write to just express. To let it out. For me, words are beautiful. Thats why Allah left us His kalimah, the Quran. 

Because how much words can do to you. It can hurt you. But it can also heal you. It can break you. But it can also cure you. It can make you feel down. But it can also lift you up. 

Words are so powerful. And the most powerful words are Allah's words.
MashaAllah.
Thank You for Your words ya Allah. 
The Quranul Kareem. <3

Feel me ya Allah...

Ya Allah don't deprived me being with You, feeling Your love, waking up tahajud and in tears because of You for that is my happiness. Ya Allah that...is my happiness :'

My heart

Now is 11 pm here in this beautiful city of Dublin.
I am listening to Maher Zain -I love you so.
I don't always post about me.
But this night.
While preparing for tomorrow class.
My heart want to write for a while.

I really enjoy this nasheed though.
So beautiful lyrics...
Sometimes I really think...
Like... sometimes...I am really scared..
I wish Allah keep me and my loved ones firm in this Deen..

You see our ummah...
I am really sad when my friends becoming different from they were...
Like we used to remind each other about Allah a lot..
but now... she is different.
But its okay....
I hope and pray that Allah always guide her so much.


Alhamdulillah...
my sadness really dissapear when I think about my sahabat
I am so thankful to have Aini.
She is really my sahabat duniya akhirah.
I dont know if she read this...
but I really love her.

Wallahi.

Today is my dad birthday.
I told him that Paradise wont feel like Paradise without you.
He is happy alhamdulillah.
I really love him.
Sometimes.., when I am here in Dublin... and I am far from my loved ones and my family..
I am really scared...
Especially when it comes to parent
How much time left for me to be able to be their happiness?
And them to be my happiness?

I am forever grateful to You ya Allah.
I really do...
Ya Allah today... a lot of miracle things happen to me...
I just pray to be granted beautiful telekung
And You are so nice to give me...:'
I am so touched ya Allah..
Just the way I wanted...
And someone give me that as a present
Thank You ya Allah...

My boot is torn but
I didnt pray to get boots...
I just feel its okay I have the other one shoes even though its not boot. Even though when it rains.. and my socks are wet.. and its uncomfortable but i really love the other shoes You ve given me ya Allah.
I really do feel okay... I am okay without boot.

But Allah is so nice to me today..
You know,,..
Allah give me two boots :'
Suddenly...my senior left with two boots with perfectly fit my size...
I know its nothing really for some people..
But to me...
I feel so touched..
Ya Allah you are so nice to me :'
I dont even ask you to give me boots... but You give me two boots :'
And its so beautiful :''
Thank You ya Allah....
I am really happy ya Allah.. I really do...

thank You so much ya Allah
thank You so much ya Allah...
And you give me beautiful dresses that I didnt pray for but I really do appreciate them so much
Thank you ya Allah :'

You are so nice to me
Today I remember I want to check on something..something that i unable to access
I cant because its private...
I dont know why I have the urge to check it...
So I pray la ilaha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntum minazzolimin
And suddenly  a few while..
I can access to it..
I dont know really how...
But thank You ya Allah...
I feel so happy that Allah gives me that I forgot why I even want to check..

You are really nice to me...
I dont mind now...
everything really...
Because no matter what I have You
And Ya Allah You always enough for me...

Alhamdulillah...
Ya Allah..help me so much...
like You always do...

I owe You ya Allah...
Everything of me.

Sometimes I feel like

Ya Allah... for being happy when I think about people instead of thinking about You...
I am sorry...
For loving people much that I cry...
I am sorry...
For an hour that passed without remembering You...
I am sorry...
For telling people about my problems and tears before You..
I am sorry...
For waking up and forgot to niah everything that I do today is for You...
I am sorry...
For when I do prayers and cry not solely because of You but because of other things in duniya
or the happiness that I longing for...
I am sorry...
For sometimes I don't know how my heart thinks about people and duniya more than You in a day...
I am sorry...
For not praise You as much as You deserve to be praised...
I am sorry...
For not struggling in Your cause as much as You worth to be struggled for...
I am sorry
For not able to cry when I have should to when I listen to every single words of You in the Quran...
I am sorry...

I am sorry ya Allah
I am
sorry.
:'

My love..get up.

I think theres a lot more than this. In this heart..that I wanna share regarding this.

But this is...what Allah let me wrote.

And I can't say anything else.

Will you feel this?

Tell me, will you feel this? So much that I hope you do.

Ya Allah let this always be in my heart.

And our hearts.

******

Ya Allah...

“How could I…

Jealous of both of my beloved?

You and Your most beloved, Muhammad s.a.w.

How could I be jealous ya Allah..

I know ya Allah..

you loves us so much..

I mean...of course, you love Rasulullah s.a.w

the most

You love him the most.

But its okay..

Im okay ya Allah…

Out of all Your creations, you said he is your most beloved (habibullah).

Your most beloved ones..

Im okay ya Allah..

***

When you said that on the day of judgement, the first grave You want to open is the grave of Your beloved, Muhammad s.a.w..

I m okay ya Allah.

When you said to Paradise, that the gate of Jannah will not be open until my beloved opens it.

The Paradise that you have said you ve created it for all of your pleased creations, the place that is so sacred that you kept so well.

And the place where nobody can ever imagine the beautiful of it, the rahmah of it, the wonderful of it..ya Allah.

And you said, it won’t be open to anyone, until my beloved open it..

You said, 'until my beloved open it'..

Im okay ya Allah..

I m really okay ya Allah.

When the day of judgement, and Rasulullah s.a.w will make sajdah to You so long, that he cried so much asking You to help us..

And You will say to Rasulullah,

"My love, get up..

Say what you want… Today I will not disappoint you"

You said 'my love' to him.

You said..get up my love.. :'

I m okay ya Allah

I m really okay..

dear heart..its okay.

I wish you would say someday to me, when you look at me and you said “nadia, my love..”

How would I breath.. ya Allah? :'

ya Allah..

dear heart.. its okay. :’

And then, you said that in Jannah all of the trees and the places, the walls that you have built out of your love... have the name of You and Muhammad s.a.w..

You write Rasulullah's name everywhere in Paradise..

The trees, the rocks and you give him special river ..

and he will be so close to You,

the most close to You,

staying so near to You.. forever and ever

ya Allah...

I don’t mind ya Allah.. i mean, of course..

I m okay ya Allah..

I m really okay ya Allah..

**

And the most that dear to my heart

Is of the way you comfort Rasulullah during isra’ Mi’raj

ya Allah..

you see his tears for his beloved wife and you feel him..

you see his tears for his beloved uncle and you feel him..

when his wife passed away..and it breaks him so much..

when his uncle passed away and it tears his heart so much..

And you comfort him so much

so much

so much

till you brought his up to you..in front of you..ya Allah..

when before…

no one of your creations ever passed the boundaries..

to be in front of you ..Allah, so close to you

but you choose him..out of us all..

and its okay..i am okay..i mean ..of course I’m okay :'

really I’m okay ya Allah…ya Allah..

and then he was up there, seeing you

being so close to you..

how do i..

how do i feel this..

tell me ya Allah

do my heart..feels alright..

and then at the time.

there was a moment that so mashaAllah

that he got salam from You..

directly from You

and we recite in our prayers every time..

'Assalamualayka ayyuhannabiyyu wa rahmatullahi..'

***

im really okay…

ya Allah

he must be much more amazing

And so much more in every way

that You have choose him so much

to be your love so much.